


NSFW Version: My Light When It's Dark

by LunarK9



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ackerman, Anxiety, Biting, Captain Levi, Comfort, Fingering, Fluff, Gen, Gentle, Husband Levi, Husband/Partner, Kissing, Levi - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Making Love, Mental Illness, Other, PTSD, Romance, Romatic sex, Sex, Sexy Times, Smut, Struggling Reader, Supportive partner, Tea, Tender - Freeform, Troubled Reader - Freeform, Warm Fuzzies, Worship, intercourse, lots of love, lovemaking, married, pretty words, reader - Freeform, soft Levi, sweet Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25679599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarK9/pseuds/LunarK9
Summary: WARNING: This work deals with PTSD and anxiety. Please take care when reading further!NSFW: The reader wakes up from a nightmare that leaves them in a bad mental state. Your husband, Levi Ackerman, does everything in his power to drive away that darkness.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Kudos: 46





	NSFW Version: My Light When It's Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello beautiful reader :)  
> This was a story I made on a whim today because I am currently dealing with the hardest PTSD episode that I have had in a long time. For me, Levi has always been a husbando that I felt would do really well with dealing in matters of PTSD and anxiety and depression. This was spur of the moment so I apologize if it doesn't flow well. I wrote two different versions because I don't think there would be many people who would want sexy times after a bad bout of a mental battle. This one is NSFW and my first ever posted comfort work, on top of being my first gender neutral smut piece. For anyone who suffers from any mental illness of any kind, and for anyone who is struggling, I truly hope this brings you some form of comfort and solace.  
> I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors or if this work is not as good as my others. I'm a little hesitant to write about Levi but I hope that you all love it nonetheless.  
> And as always, I love all of your beautiful faces and truly cannot thank you enough for your constant love and support.  
> All of my love to you always,  
> The Author

I woke with a start. I heaved in oxygen, trying to gasp for any breath of fresh air I could. The soft glow of the full moon shone into the windows, giving the shadows of the darkness some light. I lifted shaking hands to my face to wipe off the sweat, licking my dry lips. I must have been crying in my sleep as I tasted salt on my mouth. I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply and exhaling even deeper. My body shook as I clutched the cotton sheets on the bed. I opened my eyes, forcing myself to see the room around me.

My body shook harder as I looked around the room. I looked at the cabinet in the corner of the bare room. I took in the dark wood, counting that there were two doors for entry. I noticed the round brass knobs, the metal weary with use. My eyes moved to the small vanity to my right, next to the shut door. It was also wooden, with intricately carved moonflowers around the mirror. I followed the vines down to where the flat surface held my personal belongings. A few family heirlooms and some trinkets decorated it, along with some hygienic products. I looked at the two drawers, the knobs themselves crafted into the form of small moonflower blooms. I didn't have a chair for the vanity, so I usually brought the one from the guest room to use. My pounding heart eased as my tired eyes moved to my husband lying next to me. His soft snores reached my ears as I watched his bare chest rise and fall. His pale face looked peaceful as he slept. I lifted a shaking hand, moving to stroke his black locks shielding part of his visage. He breathed deeply, and I hesitated. As he exhaled, I slowly pulled my hand back, deciding to let him sleep. He had been on watch duty for the past few nights. Considering the rising tension in the inner cities, he needed all of the rest he could get.

I silently pulled the sheets away from my body and slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed. I hissed silently as the leather of my thigh knife holster burned my skin. I ran my fingers underneath it, unsticking the straps from my sweaty skin. 

My naturally quiet steps allowed me to sneak out the bedroom door and down the stairs to the kitchen. I focused on the sensation of the smooth wooden railing beneath my hand as I made my way down. I pulled my cotton long sleeve shirt away from my body, feeling the wet spot where my sweat had drenched it. 

I exited the stairs, making slow steps towards the kitchen. Moving around, having something to do… it always helped my heart ease when I had bad nightmares. 

It had only been three years since I had lost her. 

"Only…" I scoffed at myself. I walked into the kitchen, aiming for the cabinets. I grabbed myself a glass cup from the bottom cabinet and set it on the granite countertop. I looked around for the water pitcher. The large floor to ceiling windows snagged my attention as I noticed how the lovely moonlight floated into the dining room. This home was truly beautiful… I never thought it suited Levi's style or taste at first. Being able to see the greenery outside the windows, feeling the openness of the atmosphere… seeing this home for the first time was an overwhelming experience after staying in the small dormitories for the Scouts. I sighed, smiling to myself. It had been a couple of years but the fact that Levi and I had been married still felt like a dream: a dream that had come true. 

The chaos of the Titans re-emerging and the political state of the cities teetering on collapse made the world too terribly real. I had joined the Scout Regiment as soon as I was able. Many of my friends thought I would be more suited to the Military Police Regiment, perhaps being chosen for espionnage. My accomplishments and titles during training and combat spoke for themselves, but I didn't want to be stuck inside the Wall anymore. I needed, desired freedom. I was already stuck in my own head… especially after…

A hand grasped my shoulder and I gasped, the water glass slipping from my fingers. I whirled around, pulling my knife from my holster, ensuring the blade was pointed downwards. Adrenaline rushed through my blood as my focus honed in on defense. A strong arm stopped my arm and I dropped the blade to the ground. I caught the handle with ease in my other hand and swiped it into the air. Feeling that it hadn't made contact, I grunted as I swiped at my assailant once more. I cried out in pain as the knife was kicked from my hand. Hands grabbed my shoulders tightly, shaking me. A low baritone voice reached my ears in a quiet plea.

"Y/N…"

My throat closed up and my eyes began burning as I realized it was Levi. His burning grey-blue eyes were piercing my face as he looked at me. He loosened his grip on my shoulders, moving his hands to cup my face. I leaned into the touch, closing my eyes as silent tears streaked down my face. Levi leaned in and pressed gentle kisses against my burning cheeks. 

"My love… I heard you wake up earlier… is… everything alright?" He asked. I opened my eyes as I lifted my hands to cover his own. His face was stoic, but the concern in his eyes was apparent as he waited for my response. I mulled over what I should say in my head for a moment. Levi sighed, his face falling slightly. I felt my lip quiver as I held back the impulse to sob aloud. He pulled me into his bare chest, using gentle force to wrap my arms around his waist. He wrapped his own arms around me, squeezing gently. I began shaking as I cried quietly. I felt him nuzzle his face into my hair, kissing my head softly while a hand stroked my hair. I hugged him tighter as I let myself cry. 

"Another nightmare?" He whispered, his bass voice echoing against my chest. I nodded carefully. 

"It was about her again?" 

Another gentle nod. 

Levi breathes in deeply with a slight tone of sadness in his manner.

"I'm sorry, my love. And I am sorry for frightening you… I… I tried not to…" Levi said in a low voice. His grip became noticibly tighter as he embraced me. 

I shook my head, saying, "No, dear, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. I appreciate you trying, honest. I guess sometimes I'm just a little more jumpy from time to time."

Remembering that I had almost attacked him, I quickly pulled back. I sniffled as I ran my hands over his body, looking for any sign of damage.

"Are you hurt? I'm so sorry, it was just instinct, I really hope I didn't cut you!" My words were hurried and out of breath, panicking at the thought of hurting the person I loved most.

Levi's hands grasped my own gently, stopping their search for harm. I looked up at him, wide-eyed. The adrenaline in my system was overflowing. My lungs felt like there was barbed wire wrapping around them. 

"Y/N… you didn't hurt me, I promise." 

I sobbed as I felt my knees buckled underneath me in relief. Levi moved his hands to my face, bringing his lips to my own. His kiss was passionate and slow. The subtle force behind the motions was more to draw my attention in on one thing than it was to domineer. I rested my hands on his chest as our tongues danced. The kiss broke naturally, Levi tilting his head to the side as he searched my face. It was a silent question. I smiled gently, bringing the palm of his hand to my lips. 

"I'll be okay… I just wanted to get some water. I'm… I'm sorry for waking you up," I said softly. Guilt swelled in my chest as I released my hold on him. I turned and kneeled on the ground to pick up the pieces of glass decorating the floor. I reprimanded myself for not thinking before acting. I could have truly hurt him if I had taken a moment to use logic. My heart shattered just imagining what would have happened if…

My thoughts were interrupted as Levi's hands appeared underneath my armpits, lifting me up to stand. I did as he had signaled and rose to my feet. The ground disappeared from beneath me as he cradled my knees and lifted me into his arms. I hooked my arms around his neck as he carried me out of the kitchen. I let my head rest in the crook of his neck, feeling his gentle heartbeat. The rhythm brought a sense of calm to my body, easing the shaking nerves. I felt him press gentle kisses to my head as we crossed the landing into the bedroom. I wiped the tears away with my sleeves as we approached the bed. He set me down with heartbreaking gentleness. I instinctively laid on my side, curling my knees into my chest. He brought the sheet up to cover me. He leaned over me, nuzzling my face with his nose. I turned my head slightly, letting him kiss me. 

"Stay here, my love. I'll clean up the mess and make you and I some tea. Try to relax," he said. His cool baritone voice floated through me, causing goosebumps to flood my skin. He stood up and stroked his long fingers against my face. I pressed a kiss to them and he gave me a small smile. I watched as he gracefully made his way out of the bedroom, latching the door behind him. 

"Y/N."

My eyes fluttered open to see Levi standing next to the bed, two cups of steaming tea in his hands. My body felt heavy as I raised myself up and moved myself to make some room for him to sit down. As Levi sat down, I sat myself up, leaning against the pillows. Once I had myself situated, Levi held out the cup of tea for me to grab. As my fingers wrapped around the ceramic cup, Levi leaned in and placed another kiss to my lips. I pulled away and gave him a small smile. 

"Thank you, dear."

He nodded, his face stoic. He watched me carefully as I breathed in the aroma of the tea, bringing it to my lips. I felt my muscles relax as I sipped the hot beverage. The scent of jasmine green tea filled my senses. I moaned softly at the cup of comfort and rested my hands in my lap carefully. I looked at Levi as he drank from his cup. He sat cross-legged next to me, silent as he sipped from his cup. I couldn't help the amused smile as I noticed the way he held the cup. He faced forward, his eyes full of quiet contemplation. I moved my head to face forward, taking another sip of my tea. The heat spread across my tongue, easing down my throat. Levi placed a hand on my leg, his thumb stroking my bare skin. 

The corner of my mouth tugged upwards. Sometimes it was astonishing how gentle and kind Levi could be. I wasn't aware if he showed this side of himself to others or not, but it was puzzling from time to time. The most lethal officer in Paradis was also the most loving and passionate human being I had ever known. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" His smooth voice caught my attention, pulling me from my daydream. I breathed deeply and shook my head. I turned my head towards him to find his soft gaze on me. 

"No… there's… there's not much to talk about. It's always the same… I think the stress of everything just brought everything to the surface…" I replied, sipping from my cup. I moved a hand to stroke his. His fingers captured my own, intertwining the pair of hands. He nodded his head, blinking slowly. 

"I'm sorry that I… can't ease your pain, my love."

I halted my drinking movements and gave him a questioning look. His face remained unmoving as his eyes flashed with silent anger. 

"It breaks my heart, Lieutenant, to see you in agony… mentally, physically, or otherwise. Any pain you feel… it's as if I also feel it, just by looking at you."

I drained my cup of tea and leaned over the side of the bed to place it on the floor. 

"Of all of the things I have ever fought in my existence, I have never wanted to conquer something more than your pain," he said softly, bowing his head. I shifted on the bed, facing my body in his direction. I took his hand in both of mine, grasping it gently. He squeezed them lightly. I brought his knuckles up to my lips, pressing gentle kisses against his fingers.

"Levi…"

I felt his gaze beneath his covered face. His dark hair covered his face, shielding his eyes from my view. I could feel his shame flowing from his body as he remained still.

"Darling… you are doing everything you can for me. And I can't put into words how amazing you are for even taking the effort to help me fight my battles. As much as I try to keep my burdens to myself, the fact that you are willing to let me share them is more valuable than anything else. You listen to me… you bring me tea and hold me until the episode passes. And even if the episodes last for longer, you stay by my side and you make sure that I keep my focus on other things. You give me constructive tasks and have the most patience with me…"

Levi clicked his tongue and brought his cup to his face. I frowned and moved to grab his face gently. Gentle surprise lit up his face as I forced him to look into my eyes. 

"You have more than helped me fight my battles, Levi. You have saved me more times than I can count on my fingers and toes," I said, my tone urgent and sincere. Our breaths filled the silence as we gazed into each other's eyes. The intensity filled the room as our faces grew closer. I watched as Levi licked his lips, his eyes switching from guilt to desire. 

"You, husband, have saved me so much. And I cannot ever, ever repay you for all of your love and patience with me during this time," I said softly. I felt my chest rise and fall rapidly, my eyes pleading Levi to accept my words. He looked downwards, nodding. He grabbed one of my hands and pressed a kiss into my palm. I smiled at him, and his face cracked into his own beautiful smile. My heart melted in my chest at the beauty of it. It was rare that Levi smiled, but when he did, it always made my whole body light up.

He leaned over the side of the bed, placing his cup quietly on the floor. He moved himself to face me, his legs still crossed. He wrapped his hand around my neck as I still held his other in my hands. He pressed our foreheads together as his fingers massaged the back of my neck. I felt his breath hit my mouth as he spoke softly.

"Y/N… my only love, my only heart and desire… my Lieutenant… I love you more than my own life, more than I can put into words. It… makes me feel at ease to know that I have been able to help in some small way or another. If I could destroy your pain and bring some comfort into your life, I will do everything it takes."

The passion in his words made my heart thunder in my chest. I nuzzled against him gently, feeling the overwhelming sense of love fill me. 

"I swear on my life that I will never let you suffer alone as I did once. We have all been through so much. And though you say I have saved you, I believe truly that you, Lieutenant, are the one who saved me first. Your love, compassion, drive, and desire is what made me the person I am today. I know we both have our own battles to fight… but I will always fight them with you."

Tears began forming at the corner of my eyes as I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek, pushing back the strands of black hair behind his ear. The burning intensity in his gaze brought me closer to him, our lips barely touching. 

"And I will always be by your side, my Captain, no matter what form of battle you face. I will always be by your side, until the very end," I whispered. Levi's lips met mine, the passion igniting between the two of us. Fire tore through me as his tongue claimed my mouth, pulling low moans from me. I felt his hands run down my body. The breath left me as his cold fingers found their way underneath my shirt. Desire built up in my core as his lips moved from my mouth to my jaw. My hands moved to the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his soft strands. Levi growled against my skin as his teeth made contact with my neck. I gasped softly, arching into his body. His hands took the opportunity to grip my waist. Levi brought his lips back to my own as he moved his hands down to my thighs. With soft force, he uncrossed my legs, lifting them to rest on his thighs. He wrapped his arms underneath my thighs as he devoured me. I moaned softly in his mouth as he pulled me into his lap. I straddled him as our tongues continued their dance. The passion in the kiss heated my core even more, my skin lighting up with every stroke of his tongue and every touch of his fingertips. Levi's hand tangled itself in my hair, pulling me back. I pulled lightly on his hair, angling his face up to mine. I could feel his hardness against my own sex as I settled further into his lap. His eyes were hooded and ablaze with desire. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards wickedly as his eyes roved my own hungry face. His gravelly voice shook my core as he stroked my face.

"Lieutenant… do I have your permission to make love to you until your nightmares and your pain disappear?" 

Levi's voice was shaky, as if he could barely contain himself. I licked my lips and ground against him. His head angled backwards slightly as he bit his lip, growling at the contact.

"Yes, sir. Permission granted," I said breathlessly. 

Levi launched himself at me, kissing me so forcefully that I fell backwards onto the bed. I giggled into his mouth. I felt him smile against my lips as his hands roved my body, taking in every detail. I returned the favor, feeling every cut of muscle. I took my time as his lips trailed kisses on my face and neck. 

"Usually, my love…" he mumbled onto my skin, pressing kisses between words. I gasped aloud as ground his clothed length into my sex.

"Usually… I would want to dominate you, claiming every inch of you. Tying you up and fucking you until you are hoarse from screaming my name…" he growled, biting down gently on my earlobe. My nails dug into his skin as his tongue licked up the column of my throat. I moaned and bit my lip as I felt his thumb stroke my raised nipple. 

"But for tonight… I'm only going to show you my undying love and affection. I'm going to worship every inch of you: body, mind, and soul," he breathed. I tightened my thighs around his waist as he ground against me. 

"As difficult as it is to leash my feral tendencies with you… you need to be shown… you need to feel," he whispered, pressing more kisses onto my skin. "Exactly how love you are, how precious you are to me. I can only hope it will stave off your pain if it cannot eliminate it entirely." 

I felt myself begin to glow at his words. It felt as though my skin was in fire as my core burned brighter. His lips met my own again, his kiss slow and passionate. I groaned into his mouth as I felt his fingers slide down to my sex. I granted him further access by shifting myself slightly. I whined as his finger grazed against my sensitive area, working it gently. Levi broke the kiss, his one hand supporting the back of my neck as his thumb stroked my reddened cheek. His burning gaze pinned me to the spot, watching my face with intensity. His mouth hung open slightly as his fingers worked their way inside of me. I moaned loudly as the stretching feeling shot through my body. Levi's mouth twitched as his fingers worked me. 

"I love how wet you are for your Captain, my Lieutenant… this beautiful body answers to my every touch, my every command. Your delicious noises and facial expressions reach into my soul and light it on fire with a passion I have never known. I can only hope that my love and affection for you, as well as my every kiss and touch, ignites your own shining soul. I want to make you cry in delight and pleasure tonight, my only love, not in pain and torture."

I writhed against his quickening motions as I felt that wave of pleasure rise within me. His words were hitting me just as deep as his long fingers. He leaned in next to my ear as his hand rested on my chest. His hand pinned me against the bed, restricting my twitching body.

"I'm going to make love to you so deeply, so passionately, that the only thoughts in your head will be my hardness inside of you… my mouth littering your body with kisses and soft touches… my words of affection echoing in that beautiful, string mind of yours … and just remember, my love… my Lieutenant," Levi growled, quickening his movements against my sex. My mouth hung open in a silent scream as I twitched around him, that burning hot release threatening to tear through me.

"... I am the only thing inside and outside of your mind that is allowed to break you."

I moaned Levi's name loudly as my orgasm broke. My tight grip in his hair loosened as stars danced in my eyes. I whimpered and twitched as I rode the high, Levi pulling his fingers out of me. In the midst of the haze, Levi sat up and pulled down his pants, the length of him springing free. I looked down at the sight as my mouth began to water. I moved to sit up but Levi's hand pressed against my chest. His hard stare caused me to relax back into the bed. I nodded in submission as he leaned forward. He pressed another kiss to my lips, teasing my entrance with his cock. My body jolted at the slight touch as I moaned into his mouth. He continued to grind into me and kiss me deeply as his hands captured my wrists, pinning them down to the bed. 

Levi broke the kiss and looked down into my face. The affection and wanting expression on his face made my heart almost burst with my own life for him. The one man who drove away all of my pain and sadness, my husband and mate throughout the rest of our lives… my Captain, who loved me so deeply and thoroughly through the darkness and the light… I would give my life and more for him, a million times over if I had to. 

"Levi…" I whispered breathlessly. "I love you so much…"

Levi smiled gently at me as he kissed me deeply once more.

"And I, you, Y/N. Now let me show you just how much…"

I cried out as Levi sheathed himself inside of me with a shaky moan. As his length settled inside of me, he released his grip on my wrists. Levi shifted himself to rest on an elbow, putting a hand to rest behind my neck. His other hand ran down my waist, trailing down to my thigh. I giggled at his soft touch, goosebumps rising in the wake of his fingers. He kissed me heatedly as he pulled himself out and pushed back inside of me. A low growl left his mouth as he began thrusting slowly. His mouth never left mine as my hands captured his face. Our noises created a sensual melody in the silence of the night, lighting up every cell in my body. My hands began roving his body, trying to take in every detail. It felt as though we couldn't feel or taste enough of each other as the urgency of our kissing increased. The feeling of his thrusts combined with his growls of pleasure and the friction of the bed beneath me threw my pleasure into high speed. I felt him harden further inside of me as his pace quickened. His hands and lips began roving my body, kissing and touching away any thought of fear and anxiety. That blissful climax was nearing as his teeth scraped against my neck. He soothed the sore spot with little kisses and licks. His free hand pressed against my skin, feeling every inch of me with tenderness. 

Levi's thrusts became more forceful as his noises increased in pitch. His voice was shaky as he pressed his lips into my ear.

"I love you with every inch of my being, Y/N. I'd give anything to chase away your pain for good. But any small victory is still a victory… if… all I can do… is love you and make love to you… until the darkness around you disappears … then that's what your Captain will do. I am by your side, always."

The temperature in my body skyrocketed as I got a taste of the release threatening to push me over the edge. I wrapped my fingers in Levi's hair, bringing his hot lips to my own. We were both so close, I could barely breathe.

"I love you, my Captain. I will fight by your side until the end of the line," I panted into his mouth. His kiss was urgent as he pressed his lips back onto mine. 

"Cum with me, Y/N… cum with your Captain…"

My toes curled as I was thrown over that edge of pleasure. The high was more intense than the first, and I cried out Levi's name as that sweet release shattered.

My name was a roar emitted from Levi's throat as his seed shot inside of me. Levi's body slumped slightly as he remained inside of me. We both stilled, our panting breaths filling the silence. I looked into Levi's eyes softly, smiling at him as I stroked his hair. Levi's tender gaze made my heart swell again as he moved his hands to frame my face.

"My beautiful, strong love," he mumbled sweetly. He leaned down placing gentle kisses against my face and jaw.

"You are my whole heart, my soul, my everything. You mean everything to me. You shine brightly even when you feel sad and alone. You are still beautiful when your pain overwhelms you. You are still mine, whether we stand in the dark or the light. Even when I'm suffering, my love for you is what keeps me tied to your light. You lift me up and bring me back to the light, even in my darkest moments. You being my one and only is what keeps me fighting for everything that good in this treacherous world. And I would give everything and more to keep you by my side every day. I want to do everything in my power to push away that dark void, as you have done for me."

Tears streamed down my face at his words. I felt as though I would burst at the seams. The pain wasn't gone, but Levi had pushed it back so far that I felt it wouldn't resurface for a long while. He moved to kiss me again. This one was deep and slow, taking it's time. He settled into me and slid his arms underneath me. He gripped me tightly and rolled us onto our sides. With a low groan, he pulled himself from inside of me. I moaned at the motion, feeling the wetness drip down my leg. The kiss broke and Levi held me tighter to him, nuzzling into my hair. I hummed, feeling the safety of his strong arms around me. 

"I love you so much, Levi… thank you for everything," I whispered, stroking my hands against his chest.

"I love you, Y/N. I would give my last breath for you, especially if it meant seeing that beautiful smile on your gorgeous face. I will never leave your side for as long as my heart still beats. It only beats for you. And no matter what we face in this life, we will always have each other. No pain, no torture of any sort will ever break us apart. I would destroy this Earth before seeing you crumble underneath your pain. I will fight it with you, help make you stronger than you were before. And I am so incredibly proud of how far you come. You remain strong with your chin up. With every challenge, you face it with ferocity and courage. I only hope that I amplify those qualities within you. I will always be here by your side, through darkness and through light."


End file.
